


Get Rekt Bucky

by redstarsoldier



Category: Marvel 616, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: #BuckyNat Week, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, F/M, Fluff and Crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-04
Updated: 2016-04-04
Packaged: 2018-05-31 07:08:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6460666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redstarsoldier/pseuds/redstarsoldier
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky tries to explain why his face always looks like someone just kicked it. Which is hard to do when Nat won't stop making snide comments.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Get Rekt Bucky

**Author's Note:**

> This is just crack, and it's my first fic so don't take it too seriously. It's based off of the Cap 3 trailers/teasers and how we only ever see T'challa when he's beating the shit out of Bucky. It's a mix of MCU and 616. I am also somewhat new to T'challa's character, so forgive me if I butcher him too badly. But to be fair I also butchered Bucky's character.
> 
> Written for Buckynat Week 2016, and also for my birthday.

Bucky struggled on the concrete floor, trying to get his limbs to cooperate, even a little bit.

“James? James I need a response. Let me know if you're alive or stupidly dying on the ground somewhere.”

He slowly put a hand up to his ear and groaned out a response. “Natalia, you always did know exactly how to wake a pal up.”

He could hear the soft sound of her scoff in his comm.

“Just get back to me and maybe I’ll let you explain the mess you somehow got yourself into, before I make you sleep on the couch.”

“Is that a new innuendo I haven’t heard before? I’m old and I just can’t understand you young folk’s language these days.” He could hear the telltale sounds coming from the comm that meant she was holding back her laughter. That allowed him the little motivation he needed to finally push himself off the ground and onto shaky feet.

“I guess that means you're too old to do any sort of extreneous activities. And that’s really too bad. What a shame.”

He obviously lacked the restraint that Natalia had and laughed freely into the open comm. “It’s not nice to tease your elders you know. I’m injured, you should be nicer to me.”

It was only then that Natalia responded to his laughter with her own, which caused a smile on his face. He loved making her laugh.

He hissed as a wound on his left side opened up with his movements, and could only press his flesh hand there to stop the bleeding as much as possible. Chances were that it’d stop anyway by the time he got back to Natalia’s apartment.

“I’m on my way back. And I can tell you this, this isn’t my fault.”

And for once, it wasn’t.

_4 MONTHS AGO_

Honestly, Bucky doesn’t know what caused it. All he knows is that he pissed a certain person off, and he had never regretted anything more, besides the whole winter soldier thing of course.

He never really bothered to ask, because 1) it was pretty hard to get the guy alone to ask him a simple question and 2) it would be awkward.

It was before he had moved in with Natalia, but after he managed to cobble parts of his mind together to resemble something a normal person might have.

And what is it that normal people do? Hell if he knows, but the sun was shining so he’s going to sit in the goddamn park and act like he’s a well functioning human being who didn’t spend the majority of his life as a brainwashed assassin.

So there he was. Sitting on a normal park bench, underneath some normal trees, enjoying the normal sun, something he hadn’t had the chance to in a long time. He was even starting to relax a little.

That was his first mistake, letting his guard down even the slightest bit. But there was no way he could have expected the flying back blur that came at his face.

“WHAT THE FUCK” had barely left his mouth before T’challa’s boot made impact with Bucky’s face. And just as fast as he had appeared, he left, leaving Bucky still sitting in that stupid park, under the stupid trees, and enjoying the stupid sun. 

If he didn’t have the boot shaped bruise to prove it, he would have thought the whole thing was a hallucination, after all it’s nothing he hasn’t hallucinated before. Although even he had to admit a man in a black skintight outfit jumping out of a tree to kick him in the face was a bit out there.

But, it’s not like he could do anything about it now, so he put it out of his mind, and got the hell out of there, _because paranoia is a survival instinct Nat who’s telling this story me or you._

So yes, he put it out of his mind, until he went jogging, because that is what healthy people do when they want to die, _seriously what normal person goes jogging everyd-...Sam doesn’t count as a normal person, no normal person can put up with Steve's dumbass on a daily basis._

Jogging. Right. He was jogging and trying not to think about much beyond moving one leg in front of the other.

And then it happened again. Out of the fucking bushes there goes T’challa. And then BAM. Boot to the face. Always his fucking face. Was there something on his face that made people just have the urge to kick him there? There was Sam, then Sharon and now this asshole. _Yeah it’s called your face James. WHO’S TELLING THE STORY NATALIA._

And like last time, T’challa bolted right afterwards, although he stopped to turn, look Bucky right in the eyes and make the I’m-watching-you motion. Not like that surprised Bucky much. He knows that at least 5 different people are watching him at a time. Maybe more. Course most of them wouldn’t have the guts to break their cover just to kick him in the face and then run.

Then it escalated.  
It was about a month after the Jogging Incident, and about 2 weeks after he had moved in with Natalia (they had the whole deep conversation blah blah there were tears and then they had a deep conversation), and he had gone to the store to get pancake mix. _James….Shush Nat you have no room to judge with your tiramisu ice cream._

Honestly though, there was no way he could have expected an attack in a Publix on a Tuesday afternoon. But yet, again, he was goddamn wrong, as wrong as Steve wearing socks with sandals.

But, out of the freaking cereal aisle, he appeared, with those snazzy boots, and the flying kick. Always the kick. Right to the face. In a fucking supermarket on a Tuesday afternoon, because apparently that is Bucky’s life now.

“SURPRISE BITCH.”

“T’CHALLA WHAT THE HELL.”

Bucky, needless to say, never got his pancake mix, at least not still in the box. He got it all over his clothes though.

His “encounters” or “fights” only kept increasing from there.

He went out to get a hotdog. There was T’challa. “I JUST WANT A HOTDOG. T’CHALLA PLEASE.”

He went to use a public restroom. Out of a stall comes T’challa.

“The first 5 times I did this it was not you.”

“WHY ARE YOU EVEN HERE.”

He went jogging in the park again. There comes T’challa. Camouflaged as a tree and chasing after him like a goose out of hell.

“GODDAMNIT T’CHALLA. HOW ARE YOU EVEN RUNNING THAT FAST?”

“My need to kick your ass grants me speed.”

They seemed to have an unspoken arrangement about fighting indoors on private property, though. No fighting in Nat’s apartment. And no fighting if Bucky is already injured or anything but at his top condition. T’challa doesn’t do sloppy seconds.

_PRESENT_

“Ow Nat, careful that’s my face you're poking at.”

She snorted and rolled her eyes. “Looks fine to me. You and you’re super soldier healing.”

“You’re taking my story oddly well.”

She leveled him with a how-stupid-do-you-think-I-am look, “I thought something was up when you started coming home with your face in various states of bruising.”

And that had Bucky smile from where he was seated on their couch (THEIR couch, god he was so far gone with her). “Home”, it was something he had the hardest time figuring out, at least on his own.

“You’re my home.”

She smacked him lightly on the shoulder. “Don’t be a dork James.” She should have known better than to encourage him. But it was too late, she could see that little grin on his face.

“You’re my everything. My love, my darling, my partner, my treasure, my star…” and with every term of endearment, of sentiment, of love, he peppered her skin with kisses, and light tickles.

“James… don’t think this makes me forget that for the past 4 months you’ve been ‘fighting’ T’challa and haven’t seen it as important to tell me, or even try to fix the situation. You really are an idiot.”

“Yeah but I’m your idiot.” By this point they were both laying on the couch, Bucky’s face near her stomach as each kiss brought him lower and lower. She could see him waggle his eyebrows.

“You know we have a bedroom with a perfectly good bed right over there.” Sass dripped from her voice.

“Yeah, but why take the time to go over there, when we could just stay here?”

That warranted another snort as Bucky’s arms found their way on her hips, and her legs wrapped themselves around his waist.

“I love you too, idiot.” She could hear Bucky’s muffled laughter and she thought herself lucky.  
“I call you all those sweet things, and you can only call me an idiot?” And oh, yes, he was definitely laughing right now.

“Well if that really bothers you I can call up T’challa to join us. I’m sure he has some loving epithets that are more creative than mine.”

Silence answered her. And then-

“You are a cruel, _cruel,_ woman Natalia Romanova.”

“And you are an idiot, James Barnes.”

**Author's Note:**

> boi ain't this a hot mess


End file.
